My Van Mo

I bought a van 3 years ago. It was something I thought needed. It turned out to be what I wanted. When I got my van, I was coming off a short but pivotal relationship. Things ended in a way that I didn’t want, so I had 2 options. 1. Blame myself and stay unhappy. 2. Get up and see what it all meant. I chose #2.

I decided to dive into myself. I asked myself hard questions. What did I like about my life when things were going the way I wanted? What made me happy? Was I afraid of anything? Were there things missing in my life? Was I doing all that I could or was I coasting? The only way to find out was to spend time alone. I didn’t want to spend time alone. I wanted to be in a wonderful relationship. I wanted to have things easy. But I realized it was up to me. I was alone and it was time to focus on me.

I hadn’t spent much time with myself as an adult. I had spent the majority of the last 20 years being support staff to those I loved. I was a wife and a mother. I loved being support staff. Now I was left with older sons who didn’t need much support. I was the one needing support. My “old” self would just get into a relationship so I didn’t have to think about it. This time, I knew the answer needed to come from me. I was sad. I was scared. And I felt alone. 

Since my sons were older teens I had more time. I decided I needed a van. I had ridden motorcycle for many years, but Pop (my dad) thought it was dangerous to ride alone. I loved how functional a van was and thought it made more sense than a motorcycle. No matter where you go, you have a bed and a warm place to sleep. So I found my van Mo. I bought “him” sight-unseen and a 1-way plane ticket to NJ. My sister picked me up at Newark airport. Mo is a 2013 Mercedes Sprinter (170) from Parsippany, Morris County, NJ. I’m a goofball and named him Morris Parsippany Melvin. Mo for short. Mo and I bonded. We are both from NJ. And I needed him. My van was the first thing I’ve had in a long time that was just mine. I left NJ at 3 pm on a Saturday afternoon and I dove all the way back to Wisconsin, 17 hours, alone. It was the best and most excited about live I’ve felt in a long time.

When I got back, I started to build him out. I bought a platform for a bed, a rug, and a mattress. I looked up everything I could about building a van and got to it. I sound proofed and framed Mo for insulation by watching YouTube videos. I had him spray-foam insulated and had a beautiful sound system installed. Each night when my boys were busy with their friends, I would work on Mo. But, I wasn’t just working on Mo… I was working on me.

Just before getting my van, I taught myself how to ski. Mo became my ski van. I installed rails for a bunk bed and took my youngest son to Colorado. We skied Breck, Beaver Creek, Keystone, and Vail. Our home hill is Granite Peak in Wausau - one of my favorite places. For the first time in a long time, I was focused on me. In my past, I took on other people’s interests, my van and skiing were mine. I was beginning to find myself and my worth. I found what brings me to life.

What about you? Can you relate? Have you been primarily support staff? Have you asked yourself what you need? How is your self-worth? I’m not suggesting you drop everyone from your life, but I am suggesting that you work on a list that’s all your own. Trust me. That list is pretty important. I believe in the value of self-worth. I believe firmly to best take care of others, we need to fully take care of ourselves, first. At first, it may not feel natural. I had been support staff for so long, taking care of myself felt forced at times.

I need you to know how important you are. I need you to know the things you want are important. Today, begin to value yourself by asking what’s missing in your life. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t been brave enough (or aware enough) to admit there are things you want that you haven’t gone for? Time alone will do wonders for your self-worth. Even if it feels weird at first. Just remember, it’s your job to build who you are. It’s your job to build your own self-worth. 

I wrote a book about this. If you need help finding your worth, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CRL24P99

Because you’re worth it, yes, you need a van, and message me if you need me,

~ Happy Amy