Frick Failure!

I have gone through a massive amount of change in my life, but even more since August, 2020. The biggest changes have been listening to myself and letting go of attachments. I felt I've always had a good relationship with myself. Since I was little, I relied heavily on myself. I’ve felt confident in my body and my mind; and have also felt open and honest with myself. But I’m 48 and I've been doing it for a long time. Recently, someone sent me a test called: What is your Attachment Style? Immediately I dismissed the notion that I had an attachment style. But maybe this person was trying to help? So, I took the test because they’re fun and I was certain at the end it would say: You are perfect. No attachment style was detected. Ha! The result: I failed. It said I have an "anxious attachment” style which means I have fears of rejection and abandonment, I am ultra sensitive to threats of my security, I can become clingy when I feel I’m more invested than my partner, and I deeply fear abandonment… Wow. That’s a lot. This test was wrong, right?

This test had to be wrong because I am the most secure person I know and I listen to myself. But diving in, I’m not secure everywhere. I am only secure when I am comfy and all the things I want are happening… So, I began by being honest. I had been extremely worried that any time away from my partner would result in the end of our relationship. I was doing very poorly with time away. My partner would express that time away is healthy and I was 100% opposed to it. That notion made me think that he had to be wrong, because it wasn’t what I wanted. This assessment was right. Not only did I have an anxious attachment style, I was far from a healthy one. So I admitted that I had been failing. I researched what a healthy attachment style is and found it's when people feel safe in relationships, they are able to have normal emotions, they trust others, they can communicate, they are comfortable being alone and using that time to dive into themselves. I was failing and even worse, I gave myself credit for being healthy and I wasn't. 

What happens when something challenges they way you think you are? At first it seems so ridiculous. It’s ridiculous because I didn’t want to see it. Find the courage to look into the things that you won’t budge on or that you are opposed to. It is a whole different level of evaluation. You might find that you are like me, you’re perfect when you’re safely in the comfort of your own mind and it’s wonderful thoughts; but unhealthy outside of your comfort zone. What I know today is on the other side is an even better way of life that is easier that the one you are used to. When you constantly fight for things to be the way you want them, you miss the way things are. Unhealthy attachment is like paying for a massage and the entire time you are telling the masseuse what to do; rub here, go over there, no - not like that, like this! Instead of realizing you have paid a professional to do what they are trained to do. If you relaxed and stopped focusing on the way things HAVE to be and enjoy the way things are; your massage would feel heavenly. 

Being attached to the way you want things does not leave much room for anything else. I had been giving myself credit for being healthy - when in fact I was not. And just listening to yourself when you agree with yourself is not listening. I wasn’t doing well with listening or attachment. I was failing. Just remember, failure is only failure when you quit. Failure with effort always results in success. I have found a new way of thinking. Now, when I get tripped up on the way I want things, I stop and ask: is this the way everyone wants things? If I can’t answer yes, then I know I’m being attached to the way I want things. I have actually changed the way my brain works! In just a few short months I am letting go of attachment and reacting very differently. I am thriving with my time alone, listening to what I like and don’t like, life feels easy, full of new possibilities, and I’ve found joy in letting go! 

Don’t forget to buy my book: Full Speed In Reverse! https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0CRL24P99/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=