MO MONDAY

Monday’s writings will be adventure stories about my van, Mo. I thought writing this blog would be easy. People who know me, know that introducing my van is my absolute pleasure… but this one is complicated. The van came into my life a year and 8 months ago. In some ways, that wasn’t very long ago. In other ways, it seems like a lifetime ago.

A year and 8 months ago, I was very blue. The kind of “down” feeling that is hard to motivate myself out of. I felt very insignificant. I wanted to love someone, but there was only one person available for me to love, me. When I struggle with life, I retreat inward to find what is missing and then contemplate what is in my power to change. I dug down deep and realized that my life lacked two things I could change: exploration and adventure. I wanted the freedom to go. Now, some of you who know me, know I ride motorcycle. You may wonder why wouldn't I just escape on my bike? Well, this was bigger than that. I needed to be contained. I needed something that would encompass me. On motorcycle, you always have to worry about where you'll stay when you arrive somewhere. I wanted something like a camper, but cooler. I needed a van. I searched for one and found one in Parsippany, NJ. My van came from where I came from. New Jersey. I bought my van, sight-unseen because the vans out there were selling quickly. I then bought a one-way ticket to pick my van up in New Jersey. I flew out to Newark Airport and my sister (and her boyfriend) picked me up. We drove straight to the dealership and there it was. My giant van. After grabbing the keys, it was raining and for the 12 seconds it took to run across the parking lot of the dealership, I panicked. The van was huge. It was pouring and I was in the heart of New Jersey with a million people driving around me. On top of that, I was in Parsippany, a city I was not familiar with. I stepped up inside of my van and sat in the driver’s seat and closed the door. I took a deep breath and started it up. A few seconds later, after finding where my lights and windshield wipers were; I pulled out into traffic. Before I got to the first set of stop-lights, I couldn't believe it! I was in love! The van was very easy to drive and handled wonderfully. I ate lunch with my sister and left at 3 pm on a Saturday, May 8th. I drove 18 hours straight and arrived back at my house at 8 am on May 9th. It was the most magical trip for me. I listened to music, drove in silence, thought about everything, and felt really good about my choice to take this leap into myself. There has always been a sense of pride inside of myself for the ability to change jobs, admit hard things, be brutally honest, and never remain stuck somewhere I am not truly happy. The van increased this feeling immensely.

Over the next few months, I found an internal escape inside of my van. Something my motorcycle would not offer. For the next few months, I installed a platform for a bed and a rug. When I rest in the queen-size bed, in the back of my van; there is a feeling of belonging, I’ve never felt before. I'm originally from New Jersey, so Wisconsin is a place I call "home," but I've been away from NJ too long, so Wisconsin is where I live. My van is a small space, but I feel so small inside it. I feel so renewed inside of it. The van feels like I am a fresh me. Before buying the van, my spirit was already uninhibited, but it absolutely expands inside of my van. I found my freedom, but I also found a sense of safety at the same time, when laying in my van. I find comfort leaving expectation behind. Where ever I am, inside my van, is enough. It’s exactly where I want to be.

I name all my vehicles and decided to call my van, Mo, for short. His given name is, Morris Parsippany Melvin. He is from Parsipoany in Morris County New Jersey. Because of my van, I found a new love inside of my soul and a shift inside of me.

If you find you are searching for what may be lacking, I encourage you to take some time alone. Travel deeply inside of your inner-most thoughts, and see what your heart desires… Inside of the things you wish for is usually a key to unlocking a happiness. I searched and found the key to one of my happinesses in Mo. I wonder what you will you find, if you took some time and searched yourself...

Happy Mo Monday!

~ Amy